on my mind

Whew ! Ahh here is something that is on my mind it comes &goes ' it passes but then it always shows up&ithink its pressing for a sloution. The sense of LONELINESS, a sense or a phase which everyone dreads ' but some people perfer ' now me well let's say that depends. Maybe i use people for my own happiness when I want to when idnt ' but don't they do it to me ? LONELINESS a sense of knowing that no ones there or will be there for yu as how yu like but why be so dependent ? Not not dependency ' comfort the sense of warmth to know that there is a shoulder to lean on . But what happens when its runs out &it will then what b|c not everyone will understand , not everyone is there to help . "My loneliness" its a pahse, comes&goes 'passes but it hits hard ' I feel lonely w| everything now . Boy,friends,life . Yea life ' like its a big gap between when I sleep ' wake up ; school&home it feels like something should be occupying the free space in between but no its stays open. Mainly my fauly b•c I got so use to bein independent somewhat or on my own jus worrying about my own feelings &i can't quite say it always helped being so one sided ' b|c boys have fell for me ovr&ovr & brushed them off ' I was SCARED, of bein comforted & end up. LONELY. nothin I could do or say to change it , over time I had to tell my self that it was okay to open up ' maybe this one, maybe that one ' maybe another day. I do open up shit happens people lie ' I get fucked over ' I get scared again but even more scared&more cautiuos more worried ; then a( light bulb ) no more nia cause yu realized "I self destruct every relationship so that idont get hurt; but in truth I just hurt myself worse in the long run" & then it started to make sense & I lightened up . I started to&in doing I'm makin a transition from leel girl to young lady' adult , I no longer think the same way of relationships or how they will end&if I do end up ALONE . be alone if you choose to, not by force b|c the worst soul is a LONELY ONE.